


breaks my heart into (a million pieces)

by cryptidstar



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies), X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Erik keeps leaving, Erik really does love Charles, M/M, Poor Charles, bc why fix what's not broken, dialogue taken directly from the movie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-29 23:57:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19841221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryptidstar/pseuds/cryptidstar
Summary: “Oh Erik.” Charles smiled sadly. “You always break my heart.”“Not this time,” Erik vowed fiercely.-Reincarnation au where each time Charles remembers Erik, but Erik doesn’t remember him. Erik always leaves.





	breaks my heart into (a million pieces)

**Author's Note:**

> This most likely is riddled with historical inaccuracies, but I can’t bring myself to care too much because really, I just wrote this to make myself sad.  
> Title is from Million Pieces by Bastille. I was listening to it in the car when the idea for this fic came to me.   
> If you catch my TSOA references: I’m so sorry.

400 BC. Greece.

The first-time Charles found Erik, western philosophy was just beginning to blossom. Charles would spend ages reading and trying to absorb as much as possible. Perhaps his subconscious was trying to prepare him for the rousing philosophical debates that he would soon have with the handsome boy he found picking figs near the river.

At first glance, Charles took Erik for a man much too stern and battle-focused to be interested in the musings of a mind as academic as Charles’. But it wasn’t long before the two young men were meeting daily to discuss the newest writings of Plato.

Charles had never felt as comfortable in another person’s presence as he did with Erik. Erik was strong and brave, eager to lead his father’s men and inherit his family’s battle-won empire. Charles of course had much different aspirations. He wanted to become the next great voice in the philosophy movement, and he privately longed for Erik to stay by his side as he did. But logically he knew that soon Erik would take his place at the front of his father’s empire and would no longer have time for Charles’ academic preoccupations.

Logically, Charles knew that Erik would leave him. It still came more suddenly than he could have ever predicted.

“Philtatos,” Erik breathed, stroking Charles’ hair as they lay beside each other under the shade of a fig tree. _Most beloved_. “My father has need of me in Troy.”

Charles’ breath hitched, first at the whispered endearment and then at the admission. “For what reason?” he asked shakily.

Erik sighed. “The ruling family is unstable. It is a perfect time to expand our empire across the sea. And,” he took a deep breath. “I want you by my side.”

Charles should have been angry with Erik for how selfish he was being. “Erik. You know that I cannot leave when I am finally about to get the chance to study under Plato. I have wanted this for as long as I have memory.”

Erik looked torn. “I need you with me. Come on, Charles. With you by my side my father’s empire will become the greatest this world has seen.” Erik stroked callused fingers over Charles’ cheek. “You and I want the same thing. I know we do.”

Charles could feel despair filtering into the cracks in his heart as the realization that he must say goodbye to his closest friend made itself known. “I am sorry, Erik. But we do not. I cannot follow you to Troy.”

Hurt flashed in Erik’s eyes and he stared at Charles in disbelief before roughly pushing himself away from Charles to stand above him. “Then I am sorry too,” he said stiffly. “I wish you all the best with Plato.”

Then Erik turned away from him and disappeared across the river before Charles could swallow the lump in his throat.

-

87 AD. Pompeii.

This time Charles and Erik grew up beside each other in a Roman city doomed to fall to fire and ash.

When Charles saw Erik for the first time as a child, he felt an intense feeling of familiarity. Although he did not realize the extent of it, he was sure that he had known this boy before.

As they grew together in ways that most young boys did not, Charles could feel the memories of another life pressing insistently against his mind.

He broke down and sobbed on the ground the day that he fully _remembered._ Erik had rushed to his side, concern etched into the hard lines of his face. “What is it, amato? Are you hurt?” Erik’s hands fluttered anxiously around Charles, checking for injuries.

“I remember you,” Charles cried, clutching desperately at Erik.

Erik frowned in confusion. “Remember me? What do you mean by that?”

Charles sobbed harder. Erik did not remember. “It is nothing, Erik. I am merely being hysterical.” He would remember Greece enough for the both of them.

The next day the world was on fire and Charles was trying to keep Erik from being a hero. “Erik!” Charles yelled above the noise of the chaos surrounding them. “We need to leave, _now_. We do not have time to help those closer to the mountain! They are already lost. _Please_ just come with me,” Charles begged.

Erik gave Charles a small smile. “I am sorry, amato. But I cannot leave them to die.” He turned and ran back toward the base of the mountain, where he was quickly swallowed by the thick clouds of ash.

-

  1. England.



By the time Charles found Erik again they were being married off to each-other’s sisters. Charles had entered the banquet hall prepared to meet his betrothed and her family, but had jerked to a halt when he noticed the young man standing beside his sister.

The young man turned at the sound of Charles’ approaching footsteps and gave a practiced bow of his head. “You must be Prince Charles. I am Erik Lehnsherr, your future brother in law.”

Erik smiled softly to him, and Charles blushed. _Not again. Please please not like this._

Hastily trying to regain control of his emotions, Charles bowed his head in return. “It is an honor to make your acquaintance, Prince Erik.”

Over the next month that Erik and his sister were staying in England to prepare for the joint weddings, Charles once again fell into a comfortable companionship with Erik. They spent many hours sparring together or riding through the lands surrounding the castle. They had also taken to playing chess in Charles’ rooms late into the night.

Charles, of course, felt the same about Erik as he always had, and he kept secretly hoping that the month they had together would carry on for an eternity.

One night over a game of chess and several glasses of wine, Charles found himself concentrating less on his next move and more on the way Erik’s lips moved when he spoke softly into the warm candlelit night.

“Charles, darling.” Erik’s voice startled Charles to attention. “Are you listening to me?”

“Hm?” Charles was so distracted that he did not even notice the term of endearment. “Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that.”

Erik smiled at him fondly. “I was saying that we should go hunting tomorrow.”

“Oh!” Charles blushed. Erik’s face was suddenly a lot closer than it had been a moment ago. “Of course. What a marvelous idea.”

Charles swallowed thickly and gasped when he felt Erik’s hand come up to cup his jaw. “Erik, what are you doing.”

Erik’s lips brushed against Charles’. “What I have been wanting to do since I first saw you.”

Charles pulled back. “Erik, we can’t. Our – our sisters.”

“We aren’t married yet,” Erik murmured, pulling Charles into his lap and pressing their lips together gently but firmly.

Charles didn’t see a point in protesting further given that he had wanted this in every lifetime since what felt like the dawn of time. He lost himself in Erik and the chess game was long forgotten.

The night before the wedding Charles lay cocooned in Erik’s arms calculating the probability of Erik agreeing to run away with him. Ever since Greece, Charles had promised himself that he would always put Erik first, regardless of what he would have to leave behind to do so.

“Run away with me,” Charles whispered into Erik’s chest.

“Charles, darling. We cannot. We will both be rulers someday. I cannot abandon my people any more than you can yours.”

Charles knew that he would not be able to convince Erik to throw away his birthright, but he still had to try. “Then why kiss me? Why start something that you could not continue?”

Erik frowned at him. “I thought you understood that this was a temporary arrangement.”

“Temporary?” Charles was outraged. “There is nothing more important to me than you, Erik.”

Erik looked mournful. “Perhaps in another life where neither of us are heirs to a kingdom, we could be together. But not in this one.”

The next day Charles and Erik became brothers in law. Three days after the wedding, Erik left England and Charles behind. 

-

  1. USA.



The moment Charles touched the metallokinetic’s mind, he knew with absolute certainty that it was Erik. Throughout his life as a telepath, Charles had never encountered a mind that presented him with such a feeling of absolute familiarity. Despite the anger and passionate intensity at the forefront of Erik’s mind, Charles could see everything that had happened to Erik in his newest life. Erik’s motivations for trying to kill Shaw were entirely clear to Charles, but he could also see the little regard this caused Erik to have for his own life. 

_I am not letting you leave me again,_ Charles thought desperately as he plunged into the icy sea. _At least not before I can meet you._

_You can’t,_ Charles spoke into Erik’s mind as he wrapped his arms around his chest. _You’ll drown. You have to let go. I know what this means to you but you’re going to die. Please, Erik. Calm your mind._

Charles could feel Erik release his mental hold on the submarine and they both frantically kicked towards the surface.

“Get off me!” Erik gasped as they burst through the waves. “Who are you?”

“My name is Charles Xavier,” Charles spoke as calmly as he could manage while treading water.

“Were you in my head?” Erik asked, looking dazed. “How’d you do that?”

Charles’ heart was beating a mile a minute. “You have your tricks, I have mine. I’m like you, just _calm_ your mind.”

There was a pause where the only noise was the sound of the waves and the two of them gasping for air. “I thought I was alone,” Erik said after what seemed like an eternity.

“You’re not alone,” Charles promised. “Erik? You’re not alone.”

Charles had known Erik’s soul for over 2000 years but had never felt closer to him than he did after forming such a strong mental bond that night in the ocean. He could also tell that Erik was starting to _remember_ things. Charles tried to push down his hope that this time would be different. That this time Erik would stay.

One night Charles and Erik lay on Charles’ bed with a chessboard and two glasses of scotch propped up between them. Charles was busy contemplating his next move when Erik asked softly, “Do you remember me, liebling?”

Charles froze. “Sorry?”

Erik glanced up and pinned Charles with his gaze. “Do you remember me?” He asked again. “Do you remember Greece? Pompeii? Our arranged marriages?”

Charles only gaped at him in utter disbelief.

Erik’s gaze softened. “Do you remember all the lives I’ve loved you?”

Charles could feel heat burning at the backs of his eyes as tears started to build up. “I…I…I’ve waited so long for you to remember too.”

“Charles,” Erik leaned across the chessboard until they were almost nose to nose, and the scotch glasses were threatening to spill. “I cannot imagine what it has been like for you to bear this burden on your own. I am so sorry that I have left you to deal with it alone so many times. I swear that I won’t do that to you again. I couldn’t break your heart like that, not now that I know.”

“Oh Erik.” Charles smiled sadly. “You always break my heart.”

Erik leaned forward to press a bruising kiss to Charles’ lips. “Not this time,” he vowed fiercely.

And Charles wanted so desperately to believe him.

-

**Author's Note:**

> amato = loved one/sweetheart in Italian  
> liebling = darling in German
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this dumpster fire; everything I write is cheesy as hell because I'm a big gay romantic lol
> 
> Feel free to drop a comment or hmu on twitter/tumblr @cryptidcosplay


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